Home > Uncategorized > Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy : a.k.a The Broken Heart Syndrome

Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy : a.k.a The Broken Heart Syndrome

Another day at the office. A triple espresso along with the internet is my usual daily ritual before i start work. Stumble Upon is where i head every morning. Today was no different. I stumbled upon an article discussing men and the different ways they deal with a broken heart. Interesting topic that so many men avoid. Here’s my take. A lot of the below is inspired by the article itself. I’m a 29-year-old man who turns 30 in June. I have had my fair share of experiences with women. I have been through the good ones and the bad ones. Some people who don’t know me very well call me a man whore, while others who are close to me call me a hopeless romantic. Regardless of what you think i am, rest assure that i surely couldn’t care less. Not just because you’re simply full of shit yourself, but because i only care for the opinions of those that care for mine. Growing up, my closest friends were always girls. Maybe it’s because women are always more willing to listen and are always more understanding than most men. I mean if I were to go to a random man friend who I’d consider to be close enough to talk to and complain to him about a broken heart, he’d eventually get bored and call me gay. Trust me, I’ve been there and I have been called gay/fag/homo as a joke and instead of getting advise on how to deal with the situation – i got told off indirectly. It’s just a mans way of avoiding such emotional closeness. I don’t know if it’s because men really think its gay to be heart-broken or if it’s because men in general have a problem admitting emotional weakness. Arab men are usually portrayed as warriors! The “tough guy” image always seems to surround them hence they find it very difficult admitting to any emotional hurt that they’d be going through. The thing is people under-estimate the power of a heart-break. According to reports, its men, not women, who tend to suffer more after a break up. Why? Simple. Women are more likely to confide into close friends or family members talking through their emotions and feelings, where as men are more likely to confide in a bottle of whiskey/vodka “if they are drinkers”, gym or just go out and pretend not to care. I’ve been through break ups. Back when i was a heavy drinker, i did confide in bottles and bottles of alcohol. I had my moments of madness where I’d wake up next to girls I don’t even know. But that’s long gone now and heart-break no longer pushes me to such disgusting behavior. Breaking things and throwing tantrums at the punching bag at gym is the way for me now. Or I can just be “gay” and open up to my fellow-man.

The reason why men don’t admit such things is not because there is no one to listen. No sir. I have plenty of male friends around me that i could complain to every day. God knows they are willing to listen. But there is just so much that a man can tell the other and i always found myself confiding into the females around me. My mother. My female friends. Even females that i barely know. For some reason, my stories were always more interesting to them. Why i personally think it’s harder to confide in my male friends? I think there’s some sort of genetic coding that prevents men from getting all emotional around each other. Imagine a group of 4-5 men, getting together, and pouring their hearts out. That’s just… mm… gay? Over the past decade, psychologists, neuroscientists and researchers alike have shed fascinating new light on heartbreak. The forces that bind 2 people are powerful, but those that split them apart are the most powerful of all. The end of a long-term relationship, and some times an intense short-term relationship, can be very traumatic for a man. The flood of stress hormones that comes along such an event can make the heart weak. This is called “Takotsubo Cardiomyoptahy : Broken Heart Syndrome“. I’m serious, click the link and read all about it.

Before any heart-break, there are 3 steps that a man takes before falling in love with a girl.

Number 1? Lust. The most primitive of the 3 steps. Fueled by testosterone, a man will lust over the way a girl looks mostly. There will be no standards when it comes to personality and/or emotions. Its pure horniness!

Number 2? Attraction. Romance. This is when a man becomes selective. It’s the kind of drive that pushes the man to pursue that one person and avoid time and resource wasting on useless prospects. This helps u keep your eye on the prize and then go for it!

Number 3? Attachment. It is when a man grows fond of the person he is with. It’s a gradual process really. It starts off with hanging out with the person. Getting to know her better. According to science, attachment is triggered by 2 hormones that flood the brain during intimacy: QXYTOCIN (also known as the “Cuddle Compound”) and VASOPRESSIN, a tension relieving chemical that is released during the act of intimacy.

Let me share a personal experience with you. Lets refer to the girl as X. The day that X ended things, i took it badly. Severe reactions of dismay and utter disgust were present. In the days, weeks and even months that followed, i found it difficult to deal with the break up. I became very moody. I’d argue with anyone over anything. When scenes of X being touched by another man played in my head, I would be over come with rage and thoughts of revenge. I’d start plotting evil ways to ruin her life. Later I’d find myself reminiscing of our sweetest memories together. I’d remember how vulnerable she was and the thoughts of comforting her will over take any thought of hate i had. I’d sometimes sit and list her imperfections to myself only to come to a conclusion that it were those imperfections were the things that made her more human to me. I was trapped inside my own mind. I would speak to myself and I could not shut myself up. I wanted silence but that was never there. On days that I would feel powerful and completely immune to X, i’d suddenly find myself in a situation where id be strongly whisked back into that whirlwind. A whiff of her perfume. A song on the radio. A piece of clothing that she has bought me. Any of these things would pull me back down.

Then came the attempt at replacing X with other women. No matter how perfect the woman was, that woman was not X. I’d find myself shooting that woman down in my head. Picking out her negatives and throwing away all positives until i find myself growing disgusted of her and walking away. I’d also openly admit that it was my fault so i don’t look like a total dick head. In time, I learnt to deal with the hurt that was caused by the departure of X. I now look back and smile most of the time. Sometimes it still hurts, but the thoughts of strangling her have now dispersed.

Romantic rejections usually trigger a certain state of mind in a man. Actually 2.  First comes the “not giving up” state of mind. A man’s brain is flooded with extra DOPAMINE & NOREPINEPHRINE. This leaves a man more determined and obsessed to regain his beloved one, making it difficult for a man to give up and move on. According to researchers, a scan of certain volunteers who were madly in love shows an activity similar to that of getting a cocaine hit. In other words, a man with a broken heart turns into a junky craving a hit. Then comes the “I give up” state of mind. It’s when your brain does not get the fix it needs so your body aligns itself with the idea that this FIX will never come. This is when heart-break sets in for a man and he realises that it’s over. I have recently picked up my phone and dialed X’s number, but i never did call her. Something stops me. I dunno what it was. Yes, the loss of her love was unimaginably painful, but I sometimes realize that i could have lost much more.

How to get over a heart-break? There are several ways to do so but there is one rule that rules it all. The “NO CONTACT” rule. It’s really simple:  Severe all ties with the girl. Treat it like an addiction. No calls. No msgs. No checking her FaceBook page. No going places that you might see her. No doing anything related to her. Also, no “let’s be friends” bullshit. If she wants to be friends, say “yeah sure. in 10 years. Now i need my space.” Whether your healing process will take 10 weeks, 10 months, or even 10 years, exorcise everything to do with the girl from your life or else its useless. Its like trying to quit cocaine while staring at endless lines of that drug placed right in front of you. Also, stay away from alcohol. It is a depressive drug. And it will only add fuel to the fire. Trust me. I KNOW. Studies also show that exercising with a friend or a group is an excellent heartbreak balm. It releases chemicals such as OXYTOCIN and VASOPRESSIN. These chemicals solidify social ties and provide a comforting sense of connectivity to others.  Again, trust me on this one because i know! Other ways may include a new partner. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a true relationship. It could be strictly physical. Although be warned, experts say that this isn’t always helpful. I think its because that during the “not giving up” state, no other woman would be attractive to a man. Well, at least not to me. Regardless of all research and all that has been discovered by science, each man deals with it his own way. You can follow every possible advice available. You can see all shrinks around. It may not work for you. But someday you will find your self at a stage where it is all behind you. Hours will pass without the thought of that girl who broke your heart. Yes, some things will still remind you of her. Yes, It will hurt when you see pictures of her with someone else. Several things will trigger the pain,  but in time it will feel different. The wound will still hurt, but it wont hurt as much. Sure you loved her, but your brain played a big role in it as well.

It has been said that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. So become indifferent. During a heart-break, a man is usually convinced that he will be nothing but damaged goods. But what a man fails to realize is that as he is emerging from his sadness, he becomes wiser and is filled with more empathy. It is an experience. You live and you learn. I know i have.

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  1. November 27, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    This post is amazing. Long but hell I enjoyed every line and comma!

    • Samer Harkous
      November 27, 2011 at 12:51 pm

      Thank you Alia =) Glad you enjoyed it.

  2. Issan
    November 27, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Respect.

  3. shoosh
    November 27, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Fuck ure good man 🙂 I still can’t believe u wrote all this ! Wow, impressive useful shit 🙂
    No wonder I asked for ur help kirmeil my website hehe

    • Samer Harkous
      November 28, 2011 at 12:50 am

      im glad u think its impressive Mr Shoosh. ur opinion matters to me Mr Shoosh. we’ll discuss this further on blackberry Mr. Shoosh

  4. November 27, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    I love it! This just proves one thing. Men & Women are the same species. This is also very similar to how a girl falls in love and reacts. The steps also apply when u need to get over someone. Fortunately women also have hair cuts and weight lose 🙂 but unfortunately (in my opinion ) some women can’t do the “move on to another ” as easily as men.

    • Samer Harkous
      November 28, 2011 at 12:54 am

      some men have hair cuts. some men get tattoos. some men also lose weight. and the “move on to another” factor is also there with women. not all. but some. it varies. ❤

  5. rhodayna
    November 28, 2011 at 12:24 am

    thank u so much for sending this blog…its an eye opener really….i wish all men feel that way and can me honest about it…it makes sense…we r all human

    • Samer Harkous
      November 28, 2011 at 12:54 am

      ur welcome. and thank you =)

  6. November 28, 2011 at 11:28 am

    i loved it !!!! lemme guess .. u shared it with females only? :p hahaha

    • Samer Harkous
      November 28, 2011 at 11:29 am

      hahahahaha i shared it wit everyone! dnt be sexist! uft!

  7. November 28, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    I love it , very raw …

    • Samer Harkous
      November 28, 2011 at 2:20 pm

      =) thank you

  8. December 2, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    Yeee I always get excited when u post a link on my wall for me! Well written as usual! xxx

  9. farah
    December 4, 2011 at 12:50 am

    WoW.. This is some article !! So true.. So relevant for girls too 🙂 Would like to get more of this more often please!!!!
    I’m so posting it ..
    Thanks

    • Samer Harkous
      December 4, 2011 at 8:42 am

      Thank you- Glad you enjoyed reading!

  10. Sara
    December 19, 2011 at 12:44 am

    Well written,, good to know men are not heartless! 😀

    We want more blogs, daily!!!

    P.S. turn on your spell check! haha spelling mistake “exorcise” 😛

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