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What is a “Bro”?

A bro is a friend, but he’s not just any kind of friend. A bro someone who will always be there for you. He will help you get laid. He will have your back in a fight. He will bend over backwards to help you bend someone else over backwards. He will drive you home after a long drunken night. But most importantly, a “Bro” is someone who will tell it to you like it is. No sugar-coated shit. No two-faced convos. Just plain ol’ truth! Even a girl can be your “Bro”. Just make sure you don’t want to get into her pants.

So here i am being a BRO to each and every single one of you!

100 tips that will always come in handy. Always.

  1. if a chick is nice to you but to not to anyone else, she’s not nice
  2. you don’t always have to get the last word. make your point and leave it at that
  3. turning every facebook status into a political debate does not make you an intellectual. it makes you a prick
  4. don’t do the same shit and expect different results
  5. never try to act like a chick’s ex. they broke up for a reason
  6. if someone offers you gum, assume they’re trying to tell you something and take it
  7. when a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she’s either really interested or you’re level 99 friend-zoned!
  8. if the person you’re dating isn’t who you used to know, maybe they should be someone you used to know
  9. when a girl starts a sentence with, “i like you, but…” you better believe she’s never going to date you
  10. if you’re getting tired of telling the same story, people are probably getting tired of hearing it too, bro!
  11. future you depends on current you not to fuck up
  12. your dick belongs in your pants, not in your personality
  13. never fight with a bro when a well-placed “you’re a dick, dude” will do
  14. if they only like you when they’re drunk, they don’t like you
  15. saying, “lets still be friends” after a bad break-up is like saying, “the dog died, but we can still keep it.”
  16. you don’t have to jump on every internet bandwagon you come across
  17. don’t be the group’s bitch. if you are, you’re in the wrong group
  18. if your only come back is, “fuck you” then you probably lost this fight, bro!
  19. if a bro’s girlfriend asks you questions about him, play dumb. it’s up to him to come clean, not you
  20. if she’s got naked pictures of herself  in her phone that you didn’t get, there’s a possibility that someone else did
  21. know the difference between saying yes & being walked over, and between saying no and being a dick
  22. don’t judge people by their music……………………….. unless they listen to justin bieber
  23. your jeans should never be tighter that your girlfriend’s
  24. being sarcastic all the time doesn’t make you seem smarter. it just makes you sound like a dick
  25. the “shirtless in the mirror” shot is the guy version of the duck face. steer clear of it
  26. don’t stick your dick in crazy
  27. it’s better to be known for who you are than who you do
  28. if you don’t care if people think you’re being a dick, then you’re probably being a dick
  29. when someone tries to pick a fight with you over bullshit, stay chill. let petty people win petty arguments.
  30. if your life is all about getting drunk and screwing things, congrats. you’re a fucking tool
  31. meeting her family for the first time is a crucial as meeting her for the first time. don’t screw it up
  32. if having a girlfriend means not having any friends, you might have to decide which is more important
  33. before you spill everything over text, remember that people can screenshot anything
  34. when you’re always acting cocky, expect someone to call you on it. the nail that sticks out gets hammered
  35. if you go somewhere because you think it’ll be full of chicks, you’ll probably just find guys also looking for chicks
  36. eye contact is good. staring is creepy
  37. don’t be a joke. don’t be a push-over. there’s a middle ground between douchebag and punching bag
  38. if she’s laughing even when your jokes are not funny, she’s interested
  39. using one chick to get to another doesn’t work in the movies and it doesn’t work in real life
  40. if you’re gonna shove a “holier than thou” attitude up everyone’s face, be sure to apply the same to your everyday life. Don’t be a hypocrite.
  41. if you’ve got something to say, say it to their face.
  42. you can’t be “ballin” with your parents’ money
  43. there’s a thin line between being respectful and being someone’s bitch
  44. if everyone is your enemy, you might just be a dick head
  45. jealousy is an ugly trait. if you can’t do what someone else can, the least you can do is be supportive
  46. you never know the person you were dating’s true colors until you get married or break up
  47. an ex girlfriend is like jail. if you keep going back, there must be something you haven’t learned
  48. talk less; do more
  49. don’t let the new chick suffer from the last chick’s mistakes
  50. popped collars. simply, no
  51. on showering, shaving and hooking up : if you start with anything but the face, you’re doing it in the wrong order
  52. if you can see your belt, your shirt is too small
  53. don’t mourn your break-up; celebrate your freedom
  54. starting your sentence with the phrase, “with all due respect,” doesn’t mean you can be a dick immediately afterwards
  55. the longer you stay in the friend zone, the harder it is to get out
  56. if no one laughed the first time, don’t repeat it
  57. usually, the more someone talks about sex, the less they actually have of it
  58. bringing up past relationships on the first date could end up making it your only date
  59. respect a bro that asks for help. and help him
  60. never let a girl leaving you for a douche turn you into one. it’s a never-ending douche-making cycle
  61. while making out, gradually pushing her face towards your lap does not increase your chances of getting head
  62. the easiest way to keep people from getting involved in your personal problems is not to post them on the internet
  63. family first
  64. everybody makes mistakes. try not to date them
  65. if you’ve got a choice between making a scene and making an exit, find the nearest door
  66. nice guys don’t finish last. quitters do
  67. don’t chase; replace
  68. the assumptions you make about someone should never be based on what you’ve heard
  69. if you’re the only one in the room with your bro and his girl, leave
  70. ignoring somebody’s phone call or text and then posting on twitter is pretty much asking them to bitch you out
  71. the quiet ones are the kinkiest
  72. don’t let your relationship problems fuck up everybody’s night
  73. if you let a bro borrow some cash and never see him again, it was money well spent
  74. always greet your bro’s new girl with, “so this is who you’re always telling me about!” regardless of if you’re heard of her
  75. don’t sleep with anything you don’t want to wake up next to
  76. calm down and walk away. sometimes it’s better to let your ego take hits, rather than your face
  77. it always sucks to hear, but: move.the.fuck.on.bro.
  78. driving is cool. drinking is whatever. doing both is never okay
  79. someone who talks shit with you will most likely be the person that talks shit about you
  80. a friend will tell you what you want to hear. a bro will tell you what you need to hear
  81. the internet is not a place to have an argument
  82. you either make shit happen, watch shit happen or not know what fucking happened
  83. her adding you on facebook doesn’t automatically mean she wants to screw you
  84. “ex” is short for “example”. your ex is an example of someone who isn’t good for you
  85. apologizing doesn’t mean you’re wrong. it’s a bros way of saying “i care about this bromance more than my ego”
  86. no one gives a shit how trashed you got last night. shut the fuck up about it.
  87. if you talk shit about your friends, you eventually won’t have any to talk shit about
  88. being passive-aggressive never helps anything, unless you wanted to seem like a dick head
  89. karma is a bitch. specially if you are
  90. clothing is optional. deodorant is not
  91. i swear there will be other girls in your life
  92. the only acceptable reason to let anyone tell you when or what to shave is if they’re putting their  mouth there immediately afterwards.
  93. know the difference between affection and pity. both when giving and receiving
  94. would you like your bro to date your ex? Exactly.
  95. as soon as you realize that you fucked up, admit it. it’ll make things ten times easier if you do
  96. posting depressing song lyrics on facebook or twitter will make people want to punch you
  97. treat your beliefs like you treat your penis. be proud of it, but don’t shove it down people’s throats
  98. if you can’t change your situation, change your attitude
  99. if she cheated with you, she’ll cheat on you
  100. never hit your girl. ever.

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Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy : a.k.a The Broken Heart Syndrome

November 27, 2011 18 comments

Another day at the office. A triple espresso along with the internet is my usual daily ritual before i start work. Stumble Upon is where i head every morning. Today was no different. I stumbled upon an article discussing men and the different ways they deal with a broken heart. Interesting topic that so many men avoid. Here’s my take. A lot of the below is inspired by the article itself. I’m a 29-year-old man who turns 30 in June. I have had my fair share of experiences with women. I have been through the good ones and the bad ones. Some people who don’t know me very well call me a man whore, while others who are close to me call me a hopeless romantic. Regardless of what you think i am, rest assure that i surely couldn’t care less. Not just because you’re simply full of shit yourself, but because i only care for the opinions of those that care for mine. Growing up, my closest friends were always girls. Maybe it’s because women are always more willing to listen and are always more understanding than most men. I mean if I were to go to a random man friend who I’d consider to be close enough to talk to and complain to him about a broken heart, he’d eventually get bored and call me gay. Trust me, I’ve been there and I have been called gay/fag/homo as a joke and instead of getting advise on how to deal with the situation – i got told off indirectly. It’s just a mans way of avoiding such emotional closeness. I don’t know if it’s because men really think its gay to be heart-broken or if it’s because men in general have a problem admitting emotional weakness. Arab men are usually portrayed as warriors! The “tough guy” image always seems to surround them hence they find it very difficult admitting to any emotional hurt that they’d be going through. The thing is people under-estimate the power of a heart-break. According to reports, its men, not women, who tend to suffer more after a break up. Why? Simple. Women are more likely to confide into close friends or family members talking through their emotions and feelings, where as men are more likely to confide in a bottle of whiskey/vodka “if they are drinkers”, gym or just go out and pretend not to care. I’ve been through break ups. Back when i was a heavy drinker, i did confide in bottles and bottles of alcohol. I had my moments of madness where I’d wake up next to girls I don’t even know. But that’s long gone now and heart-break no longer pushes me to such disgusting behavior. Breaking things and throwing tantrums at the punching bag at gym is the way for me now. Or I can just be “gay” and open up to my fellow-man.

The reason why men don’t admit such things is not because there is no one to listen. No sir. I have plenty of male friends around me that i could complain to every day. God knows they are willing to listen. But there is just so much that a man can tell the other and i always found myself confiding into the females around me. My mother. My female friends. Even females that i barely know. For some reason, my stories were always more interesting to them. Why i personally think it’s harder to confide in my male friends? I think there’s some sort of genetic coding that prevents men from getting all emotional around each other. Imagine a group of 4-5 men, getting together, and pouring their hearts out. That’s just… mm… gay? Over the past decade, psychologists, neuroscientists and researchers alike have shed fascinating new light on heartbreak. The forces that bind 2 people are powerful, but those that split them apart are the most powerful of all. The end of a long-term relationship, and some times an intense short-term relationship, can be very traumatic for a man. The flood of stress hormones that comes along such an event can make the heart weak. This is called “Takotsubo Cardiomyoptahy : Broken Heart Syndrome“. I’m serious, click the link and read all about it.

Before any heart-break, there are 3 steps that a man takes before falling in love with a girl.

Number 1? Lust. The most primitive of the 3 steps. Fueled by testosterone, a man will lust over the way a girl looks mostly. There will be no standards when it comes to personality and/or emotions. Its pure horniness!

Number 2? Attraction. Romance. This is when a man becomes selective. It’s the kind of drive that pushes the man to pursue that one person and avoid time and resource wasting on useless prospects. This helps u keep your eye on the prize and then go for it!

Number 3? Attachment. It is when a man grows fond of the person he is with. It’s a gradual process really. It starts off with hanging out with the person. Getting to know her better. According to science, attachment is triggered by 2 hormones that flood the brain during intimacy: QXYTOCIN (also known as the “Cuddle Compound”) and VASOPRESSIN, a tension relieving chemical that is released during the act of intimacy.

Let me share a personal experience with you. Lets refer to the girl as X. The day that X ended things, i took it badly. Severe reactions of dismay and utter disgust were present. In the days, weeks and even months that followed, i found it difficult to deal with the break up. I became very moody. I’d argue with anyone over anything. When scenes of X being touched by another man played in my head, I would be over come with rage and thoughts of revenge. I’d start plotting evil ways to ruin her life. Later I’d find myself reminiscing of our sweetest memories together. I’d remember how vulnerable she was and the thoughts of comforting her will over take any thought of hate i had. I’d sometimes sit and list her imperfections to myself only to come to a conclusion that it were those imperfections were the things that made her more human to me. I was trapped inside my own mind. I would speak to myself and I could not shut myself up. I wanted silence but that was never there. On days that I would feel powerful and completely immune to X, i’d suddenly find myself in a situation where id be strongly whisked back into that whirlwind. A whiff of her perfume. A song on the radio. A piece of clothing that she has bought me. Any of these things would pull me back down.

Then came the attempt at replacing X with other women. No matter how perfect the woman was, that woman was not X. I’d find myself shooting that woman down in my head. Picking out her negatives and throwing away all positives until i find myself growing disgusted of her and walking away. I’d also openly admit that it was my fault so i don’t look like a total dick head. In time, I learnt to deal with the hurt that was caused by the departure of X. I now look back and smile most of the time. Sometimes it still hurts, but the thoughts of strangling her have now dispersed.

Romantic rejections usually trigger a certain state of mind in a man. Actually 2.  First comes the “not giving up” state of mind. A man’s brain is flooded with extra DOPAMINE & NOREPINEPHRINE. This leaves a man more determined and obsessed to regain his beloved one, making it difficult for a man to give up and move on. According to researchers, a scan of certain volunteers who were madly in love shows an activity similar to that of getting a cocaine hit. In other words, a man with a broken heart turns into a junky craving a hit. Then comes the “I give up” state of mind. It’s when your brain does not get the fix it needs so your body aligns itself with the idea that this FIX will never come. This is when heart-break sets in for a man and he realises that it’s over. I have recently picked up my phone and dialed X’s number, but i never did call her. Something stops me. I dunno what it was. Yes, the loss of her love was unimaginably painful, but I sometimes realize that i could have lost much more.

How to get over a heart-break? There are several ways to do so but there is one rule that rules it all. The “NO CONTACT” rule. It’s really simple:  Severe all ties with the girl. Treat it like an addiction. No calls. No msgs. No checking her FaceBook page. No going places that you might see her. No doing anything related to her. Also, no “let’s be friends” bullshit. If she wants to be friends, say “yeah sure. in 10 years. Now i need my space.” Whether your healing process will take 10 weeks, 10 months, or even 10 years, exorcise everything to do with the girl from your life or else its useless. Its like trying to quit cocaine while staring at endless lines of that drug placed right in front of you. Also, stay away from alcohol. It is a depressive drug. And it will only add fuel to the fire. Trust me. I KNOW. Studies also show that exercising with a friend or a group is an excellent heartbreak balm. It releases chemicals such as OXYTOCIN and VASOPRESSIN. These chemicals solidify social ties and provide a comforting sense of connectivity to others.  Again, trust me on this one because i know! Other ways may include a new partner. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a true relationship. It could be strictly physical. Although be warned, experts say that this isn’t always helpful. I think its because that during the “not giving up” state, no other woman would be attractive to a man. Well, at least not to me. Regardless of all research and all that has been discovered by science, each man deals with it his own way. You can follow every possible advice available. You can see all shrinks around. It may not work for you. But someday you will find your self at a stage where it is all behind you. Hours will pass without the thought of that girl who broke your heart. Yes, some things will still remind you of her. Yes, It will hurt when you see pictures of her with someone else. Several things will trigger the pain,  but in time it will feel different. The wound will still hurt, but it wont hurt as much. Sure you loved her, but your brain played a big role in it as well.

It has been said that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. So become indifferent. During a heart-break, a man is usually convinced that he will be nothing but damaged goods. But what a man fails to realize is that as he is emerging from his sadness, he becomes wiser and is filled with more empathy. It is an experience. You live and you learn. I know i have.

#BaselMeetsMetallica

October 5, 2011 Leave a comment

Basel Anabtawi, A God amongst us humans, is a DIE HARD Metallica fan. Really. Die Hard. Obsessed.  Crazy. Not Normal. Psycho.

Basel is adamant to meet Metallica and we, his friends, will do all we can to make it happen!

This shit is serious folks. This shit is very serious!!!
Twitter went insane on that day.
#baselmeetsmetallica reached up to the 3rd most trending topic in the UAE on Sunday!!
People from all over the globe gave him their support and now its time for you to do the same!
Below are several ways that you can help in making Basel’s dream come true:

“Think Flash” kinda blew us off. But who the hell cares??? POST ON THEIR FACEBOOK PAGE! Ask them to help Basel! Hell, DEMAAAAAAAAAAAND that they help Basel!! NOW!

There’s also a special page on Facebook for our special friend Basel who wants to make a special dream come true! Click here and LIKE the page and help spread it out to all your friends!! Post it to your wall. Post it to your friends wall. Send it to that loser friend who spends all his/her time on the internet and ask him/her to spread it all over the place!!

Last but not least, click this link and then click on the HEART! YES! The Heart!! It’ll only take a minute of your time!

MAKE THIS SHIT HAPPEN!!!! HELP BASEL!!! COME ONNNNNNNN!!!!

PS: Here’s How Flash Missed an Excellent Opportunity by the Mighty Joe Akkawi!

Reasons to Remain Single

October 3, 2011 2 comments

Its been a looooong time since i’ve blogged!! Got caught up with alot of things and was going through a weird phase but now thats all over and here’s a new post!!

Alot of you ladies and gentlemen are single. Some are so because they enjoy the single life. Other have just not found the right one. Whatever your reason maybe, there are positives and negatives about being single.

Today, i shall share with you some of the good things about being single. i used google to find some and posted reasons of my own as well.

Oh and this doesn’t mean i support being single. No. I personally think that there’s nothing better than to love and be loved! But that’s only as long as you do it with the right person.

  • You can do whatever you want.
  • You can do WHOever you want.
  • Everything you have is yours.
  • When buying yummy food, you don’t need to buy twice as much
  • Only the doctor can tell you what to eat
  • You decide what to shave. And when.
  • You can orgasm when you want. With whoever you want
  • You save money on Valentines, anniversaries, etc. Extra dough for single life activities! Booya!
  • No anniversaries to remember
  • You can walk around naked. Anytime.
  • You don’t have to share anything.
  • You don’t have to change your life
  • The only insecurities to deal with are your own
  • More time to spend with your friends
  • If you wanna go out for a drive at 3am, no one asks why
  • You can date more freely.
  • The cute girl next door is game
  • You own the remote control
  • No annoying habits to deal with
  • The only annoying friends you have to deal with are your own
  • You don’t need to explain everything you do/say
  • The only person that you spend your money on is you.
  • Nobody to criticize your every move
  • Theres only one way to do things – your way
  • You can fart at will
  • You can burp at will
  • Dinner can be as simple as a steak sandwich from Subway
  • You don’t have to share your bed with anyone
  • You can eat in bed.
  • Less pressure about body weight
  • It’s ok to look (and flirt)
  • The only mood swings you have to deal with are yours
  • There are 6.5 Billion other fish in the sea. That’s 6,500 x 1 million. Oh Yeeeeaaaaaah.
  • Porn is cheaper, easier and comes in varieties
  • You don’t need to deal with “compliment fishing”
  • Less “Phone attached to ears” moments
  • No endless nagging
  • You never have to answer the phone “RIGHT NOOOOOOOW!!”
  • You can leave the door open when you shower
  • You decide how long it takes to get ready
  • NO goodbyes. NO hearts aches. NO dumping and being dumped.
  • You can be the wild friend with all the juicy stories
  • You can still get laid. Maybe more often. With a wider variety
  • You get to pick where to go
  • You don’t need to fake liking a gift
  • You don’t need to fake liking his/her friends
  • You can leave your dirty clothes anywhere
  • You choose the music you listen to
  • No need to pretend being interested in things that you couldn’t possibly give a shit less about
  • Peace of mind. All day. Every day
  • Any night is Boys Night Out/Girls Night Out
  • Everything is about you. You. You. You.
  • You have more time to spend with family
  • You can drink what you want. Where you want. As much as you want
  • Trust issues are  no longer an issue
  • Bye Bye to compromising
  • Casual Sex. Shit loads of that if you’re lucky.
  • You have your own social identity
  • You can have male/female friends without having to explain that nothing is going on.
  • Bye Bye to grumpiness
  • You don’t need to stroke any egos
  • You can focus on your career
  • Loneliness hurts less than a broken heart
  • You can have both arm rests to your self at the movies
  • When you are single, you realise you are an asset. Not a liability
  • You learn to master the art of Drunk Texting
  • You can announce when you think any girl/guy is hot without worrying about the back lash!
  • This one is for the boys : 1pm: Arrive to mall. 1:05pm : Enter Store. 1:07pm Acquire Item 1:10pm Pay for item 1:15pm Leave mall
  • No one rips your heart out and spits on it
  • Bye Bye to the embarrassment of buying condoms from a Mo7ajjaba at some pharmacy
  • Bye Bye to the recurring nightmare where you’re with a group of friends, making a joke, and all of a sudden, hear the dreaded seven words of Fun Death: “I can’t believe you just said that”.
  • Relationships usually mean loss of party-life. Stay single. Party your ass off
  • Cooking your own meals would be an adventure. Not a punishment.
  • You never have to explain why you’re wearing “that” top with “those” pants
  • You can see a different face when you wake up in the morning, every day of the week.
If you have some reasons of your own to share, plz do share.

Types of women to avoid!

July 18, 2011 8 comments

A good friend of mine is out of town now and me and her are always in touch on BBM. Today morning, as she sat down watching the movie “What Women Want”, she asks me “Samer, Do you know what women want??”

See the thing is, women themselves don’t know what they want want! It’s really that simple.

I thought to myself that would be my next blog post, but i realised its going to end up with absolutely no answer. It was going to be a pointless post because i wasn’t going to get anywhere!! Who the hell knows what women want???? NOBODY!!!

Instead, Enjoy the below list of WOMEN that ALLLL MEN should avoid!!

THE PARTY ANIMAL

Boudoir on Saturday. Zinc on Sunday. Karaoke Night on Monday. 400 on Tuesday. Salsa on Wednesday. People on Thursday. Nassimi on Friday.
Need i say more? These women don’t necessarily need to drink to enjoy their time, but they just like to be out! The idea of staying at home to watch a nice DVD and have some yummy pop corn is out of the question! This girl will go out.. with or without her boyfriend! WOOOOHOOOOO!!


THE PSYCHOTIC ONE

Words are powerful and the word PSYCHO says it all. This woman will take everything to a whole new level. She can be violent. She can sometimes throw things around. She can threaten your life.  She can egg your car or slash your tires. You get the flow, right?
When you come accross such a woman, cut her off. Immediately. Also, pray to God that while u do so, she hasn’t become attached to you. If she has, then you’re screwed. Like really. The late night phone calls. The showing up at your door crying. The threatening.
I know a guy who dated a girl like that once. He wasn’t a happy person. At all. Apparently, the sex was good. Thats bullshit. Sex wouldn’t have been so good if he had woken up one day with his penis chopped off!


THE JEALOUS ONE

All women get jealous. They might not all do it to the same extent, but jealousy is there. Those who claim to not be jealous are simply not that into you. Jealousy is some times cute. I used to find it cute when my ex would get upset if she catches other women looking at me or if some hot chick passes by and i comment about her legs looking good (Yes. Men check out other women. Women also check out other men. Its natural).
Jealousy mostly comes from insecurities. These insecurities could be part of her past or related to the way she looks. Regardless, this woman could be very hurtful. She will go through your stuff. She will go through your phone while you are in the bathroom. If you make a “Boy’s night out” plan, she will probably show up just to make sure that you really are there and not with some other girl.
Jealousy has no cure, so if you happen to be with a girl that is jealous, then you must decide for your self if she is worth the headache. I say she’s not!


THE ATTENTION WHORE

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!! That’s what goes on inside this girl’s head! She will seek attention in every possible way. At a club, at a mall, at a restaurant, no matter where the hell you are, she will do anything possible to get the attention on her! She’s most likely to be one of those girls who put on outrageous outfits and go out in public!
U know what? Ill summarize it with this : The attention whore is a DOUCHEBAGUETTE!!


THE ONE WHO THINKS YOU’RE AN ATM MACHINE

She’s what is commonly known as “High Maintenance”. Men, if you’re ugly looking and YOU KNOW IT, buuuutttt are loaded with cash and find yourselves with one of those women who you drool over or see in porn movies, then you my friends are ATM MACHINES! She’s not with you because you’re sweet. She’s not with you because you’re smart. She’s with you because YOU PAY FOR EVERYTHING you dumb fuck! You pay for her make up. You pay for her clothes. You pay so that she gets her nails done. You pay for the hair saloon. You pay for everything. You are a dumb fuck. Like really. BIG DUMB ASS FUCK!


THE ONE THAT NEVER PAYS

No. This one right here is not related to “High Maintenance” mentioned above. This one is simply a girl who neevr offers to pay for anything. She always assumes that dinner, movies, sheesha, drinks, and almost every fucking thing you guys do together is for the MAN to take care off. I once dated a girl like that. It was horrible. HORRIBLE i tell you! She never paid for jack shit. Two weeks was all i could take and then i got the hell out!! See the thing is we MEN will not let you girls pay, but its just that the thought of offering to pay your share or even to get the whole bill every now and then would be super nice. If you, my fellow man, pay for everything, then you should go kill yourself. Now. Go on.


THE ONE THAT’S OBSESSED WITH MARRIAGE

Desperate would describe this girl. This girl is usually in her late 20’s. All her friends are getting married. One after the other. She cries at weddings and gets all emotional at the sight of little kids. She starts thinking about her life. Where she’s been. What she’s done. This is when she realises that her biological clock is ticking and then accepts that shes going to have to go with any guy that wants her, even if she KNOWS he’s a dickhead!!

THE ONE WHO LOVES TO FIGHT

Everything with this girl is a battle. Anything that you or anyone says will be taken out of context and become some sort of insult and then reason to wage war against the world! Men should’nt put up with such behaviour and if they do, then the sex MUST be good!

THE SENSITIVE ONE

Like my good friend Joe Akkawi calls them – WA3!!! Everything is waaaaaaaa3! You need to handle these girls with kid gloves! Wrapping her up in bubble wrap would be a great idea too! Any sort of criticism what so ever will have her in tears. Being with this girl will limit your vocabulary to one word – SORRY.


THE WISE ASS

Women who can hold a conversation are sexy. But there’s a thin line between holding a convo, and talking too much! The wise ass always has something to say. She always has a response to everything. She always has a comment. She’s like your own personal version of Rosie O’Donnell.


THE “BLA BLA BLA”

This kind is the one that talks, and talk, and talk, but says nothing! This is an example of the kind of thing this woman would say:
“OMG, I HAVE A FRIEND WHO HAS A FRIEND THAT  BOUGHT A BAG  THAT WAS ON SALE BUT YOU SEE THE THING IS THAT IT WASN”T REALLY ON SALE BECAUSE MY OTHER FRIEND HAD SEEN IT EARLIER IN ANOTHER STORE BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA”

Ok, how about you STFU?


 THE EVIL ONE

This woman right here is just plain evil. This woman looks normal, acts normal, and does everything normal. One day, her layers will start to peel off and you will be able to see her true inner self! Although she’s a very rare breed, if you come accross one, run. Run as fast as you can. Run anywhere and dont look back.

If you men out there have had experiences with any of the above, email me your stories at harkous@gmail.com. I’ll compile a list of some of the stories maybe post them next! Go on!

The Arab Douchebag – The Final Frontier

June 27, 2011 8 comments

The actual meaning of the word Douchebag?

Water bag used to clean feminine genitalia.
Seriously. Google it.

This shall be my last Douchebag post for now.
I’m having a Douchebag over dose
I believe you are too

Heres how to spot the ARAB Douchebag

The Arab Douche who goes to gym, walks with his arms lifted on his side.

The Arab Douche will always hit on much younger girls. It is absolutely difficult to find a girl his age that would be interested in him. (Unless of course she is a Douchebaguette). High-school Girl Syndrome.

The Arab Douche will have a perfectly thin lined beard.

The Arab Douche is a hairy bastard!!! He is Darwin’s best friend. Living proof that men descend from hairy apes.

The Arab Douche will go out with his friend and wear matching colors.

The Arab Douche will always check out girls in the presence of his own gf/wife

The Arab Douche must show case his male domineering traits.

The Arab Douche thinks he can get any girl. ANY.

The Arab Douche will walk down the street screaming phrases like “Free Palestine” “Ta7ya Masr” and will then be found getting drunk off of his ass later that night

The Arab Douche will wear the cause around his neck. (Lebanese Douche)

The Arab Douche will buy a beautiful car, then ruin it by PIMPING it up.

The Arab Douche owns an endangered pet.

The Arab Douche spends his weekend at the mall hitting on girls.

The Arab Douche adores prostitutes. He will probably end up marrying one.

The Arab Douche carries 3 phones, a laptop and an Ipad.

The Arab Douche will pose with his alcohol bottles. (Universal Douche rule)

The Arab Douche will spend 20,000 Dhs on a bottle of champagne at a club to impress his fellow douchebaguettes.

The Arab Douche will pose for a pic while SUCKING ON A CIGAR. The Arab Douche will PROFILE PIC IT!!

The Arab Douche will have the top 3 buttons of his shirt open, put on glasses indoors and take a pic of himself. Here also, the Arab Douche will then PROFILE PIC IT!!

The Arab Douche will lie about why the girl he was with dumped him. He will then believe his own lies.

The Arab Douche will date a girl and then end up marrying her sister. This is called “NASEEB”

The Arab Douche cares about his cars more than he does for anything else.

The Arab Douche will always blame it on somebody else.

The Arab Douche does not believe in floss.

99.9% Arab Douchebags can’t speak proper English for shit. B for Bebsi. Big Broblem zis.

The Arab Douche plucks his eye brows as often as Britney Spears opens her mouth and says something stupid.

The Arab Douche thinks its ok to hit his girl.

The Arab Douche is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay cooler than you.

The Arab Douche will get dumped, and then become best friends with the girls sister/friend/cousin.

The Arab Douche will spend most of his waking hours playing cards.

His name is Jasem. He lives in Satwa but he acts like he’s from the ghetto.

The Arab Douche pays for his name to come up on a screen at a club.

The Arab Douche will take out a loan from the bank to finance his nights out.

The Arab Douche uses daddy’s money to start his own business and then calls it his own.

The Arab Douche can date your sister. God forbid you attempt to date his.

The Arab Douche will chase a girl around the mall.

Like All other previous Douchebag lists, this is also an endless one. You got anything to add? Send it across!

PS: Thank you to the Ladies who provided their input. You know who you are =D

Douchebaguettes : They are everywhere!

June 5, 2011 8 comments

After the unexpected great success of the “How to spot a douchebag” post, i had the initial plan of a post about “How to spot an arab douchebag” but then i thought i’d venture into the female side of this all : Douchebaguettes!! Truth is, they really are everywhere! I truly believe that they over shadow their male counter parts with their douchebaginess! Here’s how to spot one!

Douchebaguette loves the Fishy Face

Douchebaguette loves to go around the city in her Juicy Couture sweat suit! Hip bones MUST SHOW. Like her male counterpart, she will most probably be wearing a Ed Hardy cap to go along with that pink outfit. Cap will definitely be worn sideways.

Douchebaguette loves to pose for pics.   Fishy face or no fishy face, she will always attempt to stand out in a pic. Leg raised. Boobs squashed. Tongue out. Her “Look at me me me me me me me” methods are endless.


Douchebaguette will take pics of her self at least 56354 times a day! She will pose in a car. She will pose in the bathroom. She will pose in her bed. She will pose at the hairdresser. She will pose while taking a dump for all she cares!! As long as they are eventually posted on every social media tool out there, douchebaguette is happy.


Douchebaguette will update her bbm/fb/twitter status every 5 fucking seconds!! She will bore you to death with every detail of her freaking day!! Douchebaguette is a STATUS WHORE!!

“JUST WOKE UP. GOOD MORNING PPL”
“I HATE THE TRAFFIC!!!!!”
“GOD ITS SOOO HOT!!” – You live in Dubai. GET OVER THE FREAKIN’ HEAT!!
“I’M SAD =( “
“WHY CAN’T I SLEEEEEP???”
“OMG THE ROOF IS ON FIRE!!”
“I MISS HIM =(“
“WEL3AAAAAANEH” –> Lebanese Douchebaguette
“YAY I LOVE SHOPPING. GUCCI HERE I COME”
“O M GEEEE I LOVE TO TAN”
“BOUDOIR TONIGHT WOOOHOOOO”
“DANCEFLOOR TABLE! YEAH BABY!!”
“IM GOING TO SLEEP, GNIGHT WORLD”
“SUSHI!! YUM YUM!!”
“YA ALLAH IM SOOOO BOOOORED”
“YAY I LOVE KIDS!! I WANT TO HAVE KIDS!!!”
And the list goes on.

Douchebaguette will tan excessively. Like her male counterpart, she will spend every breathing second of her free time tanning. Douchebagutte will most probably have a membership at some tanning salon. Douchebaguette refuses to see that she is way too tanned and that she looks like burnt monkey ass! She denies that her color is now RED/ORANGE! This disease is better known as “Douchebagitis”

Douchebaguette is always slutty looking. Douchebaguette is an attention whore! Tightest pants possible. Shortest skirt possible. Cleavage is a must. Excessive make up. Nails done. Hair done. Everything big (Thank you Drake).

Douchebaguette will ALWAYS be surrounded with douchebags!!! ALWAYS!


Douchebaguette will always criticise other women! No matter what the case is, the other women is always slutty/annoying/bitchy. She will never complement other women!

Douchebaguette will have very low self-esteem. She may look like she’s the most confident human being to walk this planet, but rest assured that she cries herself to sleep.

Douchebaguette will be surrounded with equally looking douchebaguettes. Like douchebags, these females hang out in packs.


Douchebaguette is all about the bling bling. You will find nothing from Mango, Zara or Massimo Dutti in her closet. It’s all about the Gucci, The LV, The Dior. She owns bags that are expensive enough to feed a family for a whole year. Expensive watches. Expensive Shoes. She will only hang out with douchebags that book dance floor tables. Please note that some douchebaguettes own FAKE stuff. Not all douchebaguettes are “Daddy’s little girl”

Douchebaguette refuses to educate her self with a book. Her idea of reading is scanning through VOGUE for the latest fashion trends.

Douchebagutte will engage with anyone who comments on her status. Douchebaguette will turn this status into a discussion forum.

Douchebaguette will post a pic of herself then add a caption that says “OMG I LOOK SO BAD HERE”. A silent cry for compliments.

Douchebaguette will post something to Facebook and then LIKE IT!

Douchebaguette’s marital status on Facebook will be “Married to Best Friend”

Douchebaguette will add a “LOL” to everything!! “I DID MY HAIR!! LOL”

Douchebaguette will wRIte HeR sTAtuS LiKe DiS!!

Douchebaguette does not realise that “Their, They’re and There” are NOT  interchangeable!

75% of Douchebaguettes are 90% plastic!

Again, this list is endless! I could go on and on and on. Im sure you guys have more comments on what a Douchebaguette is like, so hit me back with your input and ill surely update this!

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